travel2japan #7 the last day before departure

Hey guys!
So, I was to Japan as an exchange student. And wrote diary; approximately three pages every single day. As I think it may be interesting translating the thoughts of an exchange student in Japan, I'm no going to do this. 
Some backround information:
I was to Japan from March to July 2015(4 1/2 month). I lived in Chiba with a host family. 
I went there with the organization WYS (Word Youth Society).
Here we go.
(The text written in italics are comments, I added in retrospect)

#7 last day before departure
Real date: March 20th

Friday: It'll start tomorrow. I'm having slight stomach aches the whole day, it got worse and worse at home. I said goodbye to everyone. Somehow, it seems like ages to me, since my parents waved me goodbye at our house's door today's morning, but the day passed so quickly. The talks, I had woth me friends were strange. As well as at home. I did the whole rest stuff. I lesseed the weight of the suitcase and the handluggage a little, both are now laying, packed, in front of my wadrobe.
I searched for the gates. The ones from Istanbul airport are not visible yet, I was so desperate. My parents wrote in my calendar as well, what felt very strange.
The first time in a while, I wanted to do domething with my family- eating together or so. Before, I just wanted to organize everything alone and I cut myself off. I already miss my family and my house. Today, I looked at the pinboard and thought, that it's so beautiful.
I never was and wanted to be so long with my parents (since a long time). The talks were like everybody had to try not to cry. In my room, I cried a bit quitely but the imagination, that I'm strong and that I have the courage to do such a thing and that I'll come back as an adult, gives me strength.
Just now, my parents and my brother walked in and took photos of me and my suitcase. Then, my father put an avocado in a glass in my room; it takes so long to put down roots, that it may've put down roots, when I'm home again. I took 7€ for the flight(station) with me. Now, I'll set my alarm for tomorrow (4 o'clock in the morning) and put my suitcase downstairs(what is done, is done).
Now, my brother is building his (Minecraft) world. I want to cross out every day, I accomplished in Japan. I know, this will help me, too.
It is almost 7 o'clock (in the evening) I'm ready to go to bed. I wrote Karina the whole day messages, I just wanted to write with her and ask, whether she knows, how we'll fly from Istanbul (which gate) As she didn't answer, I became a little intrusive. She somehow snapped. (I felt it that way, because I was nervous, but she just was a little annoyed of my concern) I had to cry a little again. Why is she so mean ? :( (I seriously wrote this sad smiley, I think, I was extremely nervous and emocially instable)
However, I don't have to care about her! I'm currently trying to suffocate my feelings by watching (youtube) videos. I am afraid and homesick. I'm walking around irresolute and I don't know what to do before going to bed. (Okay, this last post is seriously kinda depressing, but I actually looked forward to Japan. My fear was just bigger than my joy and as I tend to worry about a lot of things excessive, I was extremely sad and nervous and anxious this day.)

I hope, you liked this part
<--previous part (#6 right before the departure: school and family )
next part(#8 the morning before)-->

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