travel2japan: letter I wrote to myself after half of the time
After the letter I wrote to myself at the evening, before I was going off to Japan , I also wrote another letter after half of the time there:
When you read this, I know that you are at home or soon to do so or on the way home. Your 4 1/2 month in Japan, however, lay behind you. I want that you know that it does not matter, who wrote you this letter, It could be anybody, a friend, a family member (their cover is perfect (quote from Dark Inside)), an acquaintance or just somebody who heard about you and your story. What I will write you here, will you probably get told or shown by a lot of people or they will just think it silently.
I want that you know, that I am really proud of you. Proud that you made it, not only by sitting their and waiting for the days to pass, but really making it; learning, speaking, falling, crying, standing up, continuing learning, asking questions, improve, live, really live.
I am proud of what you withstood; the strangers, the unknowingness, the tiredness, the hunger, the hate of your host mother (if you look at the post, I wrote around this time, you will see that I was convinced that my host mother hated me at this time. This is not true.), the lonlieness, the homesickness and this incredible fear.
I am proud of what you did and what you changed about you and your situation, so that it is not difficult anymore but easy and even enjoyable.
You fought like a lion in this 4 1/2 month. In the moment, I am writing this, there is still a lot about to come and I know, that there are difficulties and problems to come, even more difficult and problematic than you already experienced it. I already did a lot, but there is still a big mountain about to come (looks like I liked metaphors). You did it all. I do not know how you are feeling in the face of departure. It is probably a mix of homesickness and wanderlust, looking forward and saying goodbye, pride and sadness and most of all regret about wasting time in Japan to think about home. (Where the hell did I get this weird idea from? My feeling when I left what pretty much one pure emotion)
You are now a different person. You are not anymore the small girl that hugged everyone at the airport, you are someone different, a strong women, who has been through this 4 1/2 month of adventure and is different now.
You experienced a lot, traveled to modern and old places, met interesting persons, saw an amazing lot of things, learned and experienced a lot, also a lot about yourself and life and time. Any you missed things as well. In Gemany, time went on without you and there were clearly some amazing moments, that you could not experience. That is something you have to accept. In Germany, the world did not revolve without you and people there changed. But you also learned to love and praise things. Things, you did not use to care about or even despised, have become important for you now. You recognizes, how important things can be.
There are presumably a lot of things you missed about Germany, things you are enthusiastically looking forward to. On the other hand, there are certainly things that were better in Japan, things you will wish back. This time just opened your eyes for the beautiful, daily things and the special, crazy moments and everything that lies in between. (That sounds really deep but is very superficial thinking about it)
If life is a book, you have at least read the first chapter now (saying: 'If live is a book, people who do not travel do not read more than the first page').
I am proud of your fighting spirit and about you not giving up when everything seemed messed up. About you fighting, studying your eyes out of the head and giving everything.
I do not know what is left to say. The person writing this is very proud of you and wished you the best for the future.
The road is long. Keep dreaming. xxx
Well, that was way more positive and truthful than the last letter. I liked it and I hope, you did so, too,